Nothing going on this week really. Baby kicking a lot more. That's about it.
Don't have energy for any damn thing anymore. Seriously. Sitting upright for 8 hours is draining. This isn't supposed to happen this soon, I don't think. Could be because they keep pumping me full of antibiotics which of course screw up my system and make me sick. This is why I never go to the damn doctor.
Next week they want me to come into work at 8am on a Friday for additional training. I don't get off work until Midnight Thursday night. It's a 45 minute drive. One way. They have got to be kidding me.
Find that I've become increasingly annoyed, angry, and disgusted by guys hitting on me or flirting with me. Even if they are nice guys. I don't know why. It's good for my self esteem, I guess, in a disconnected sort of way, that I'm not completely hideous. But on a very basic level, it makes me want to lash out irrationally. Punch, kick, yell, etc.
I mean, I'm fine hanging out with guy friends until the flattery starts. And then I just completely shut down. It's like nobody really believes me that I am absolutely not even a little bit interested in dating/kissing/banging/being ogled right now, and really I just need someone to swoop in and take care of me. Like I don't really know how I feel and it's their job to show me the light.
Also, the whole "you never call me" thing is getting old. If I don't call you, it's because I'm tired and I can't call every body every day. You can always call me. If you do call me and I take a while to get back to you it's because I'm tired. Or because you keep flirting with me and I don't like it but I can't just tell you that because it would hurt your feelings.
So...yeah. If anybody needs me I'll be on my couch in a bathrobe. Probably eating something.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
21 weeks
Well, the past week was interesting to say the least.
Let's see. Tuesday, I think it was, I woke up with the beginnings of a cold sore on my nose. I get them maybe once or twice per year, so while it was annoying and painful, I cleaned it, put some salve on it, and didn't think much more about it.
Wednesday I woke up feeling as though somebody really big had punched me in the face. The pain started in my lower jaw and by afternoon had spread up to my upper jaw and nose, and down to the gland under my ear. All on the right side...the same side as my cold sore.
While it was not bad as long as I took care not to touch it...it was weird enough to have me looking up a family practitioner in my network. Thankfully I got an appointment for the next day. The doctor took one look at my nose and my now swollen face and said "I'm putting you on antibiotics." Apparently, with my immune system all screwy, the cold sore (which was partially IN my nose) presented a perfect opportunity for Staph A. to get into my face and spread. Yuck.
I'm on what seems to me to be a pretty large dose of antibiotics - 4 pills a day for 2 weeks - and am thankfully feeling much better. The baby didn't move around much the first couple of days I took the pills, so I was worried, but now she's boogying around in there again. I'm guessing she wasn't feeling much better than I was.
I have a follow up tomorrow to make sure the drugs are working, and until the sore on my nose heals over, I'm not touching any babies or sick people.
Went out to see Matt this weekend, which was cool. Just kinda lounged on the couch and watched cable. He got to feel the baby kick, which was a very cool moment. You can only feel her from the outside when she really gets going so I wasn't sure it would happen for him just yet.
Luckily the people who care about me are starting to understand that I'm still maintaining a friendly relationship with him for a reason. Which is good because I was really starting to get tired of defending my decision. It comes down to this - while, yes, what he did to me was really shitty, it's not about that anymore. It's about our daughter now. And I just don't see how alienating him until she's born and then expecting him to snap to is going to help anything. I don't see much point in making it difficult for him to be involved. That will only hurt my child. Our child.
Even though we aren't together anymore, I would like my daughter to be able to have both parents with her on birthdays, and at school plays or basketball games or dance recitals. I don't want her to have to choose.
I can't tell the future. I don't know that he will always want to be as involved as he is now. I don't have any idea how it's going to play out. But I know that the right thing for me to do is to put aside my anger and think about our child.
Let's see. Tuesday, I think it was, I woke up with the beginnings of a cold sore on my nose. I get them maybe once or twice per year, so while it was annoying and painful, I cleaned it, put some salve on it, and didn't think much more about it.
Wednesday I woke up feeling as though somebody really big had punched me in the face. The pain started in my lower jaw and by afternoon had spread up to my upper jaw and nose, and down to the gland under my ear. All on the right side...the same side as my cold sore.
While it was not bad as long as I took care not to touch it...it was weird enough to have me looking up a family practitioner in my network. Thankfully I got an appointment for the next day. The doctor took one look at my nose and my now swollen face and said "I'm putting you on antibiotics." Apparently, with my immune system all screwy, the cold sore (which was partially IN my nose) presented a perfect opportunity for Staph A. to get into my face and spread. Yuck.
I'm on what seems to me to be a pretty large dose of antibiotics - 4 pills a day for 2 weeks - and am thankfully feeling much better. The baby didn't move around much the first couple of days I took the pills, so I was worried, but now she's boogying around in there again. I'm guessing she wasn't feeling much better than I was.
I have a follow up tomorrow to make sure the drugs are working, and until the sore on my nose heals over, I'm not touching any babies or sick people.
Went out to see Matt this weekend, which was cool. Just kinda lounged on the couch and watched cable. He got to feel the baby kick, which was a very cool moment. You can only feel her from the outside when she really gets going so I wasn't sure it would happen for him just yet.
Luckily the people who care about me are starting to understand that I'm still maintaining a friendly relationship with him for a reason. Which is good because I was really starting to get tired of defending my decision. It comes down to this - while, yes, what he did to me was really shitty, it's not about that anymore. It's about our daughter now. And I just don't see how alienating him until she's born and then expecting him to snap to is going to help anything. I don't see much point in making it difficult for him to be involved. That will only hurt my child. Our child.
Even though we aren't together anymore, I would like my daughter to be able to have both parents with her on birthdays, and at school plays or basketball games or dance recitals. I don't want her to have to choose.
I can't tell the future. I don't know that he will always want to be as involved as he is now. I don't have any idea how it's going to play out. But I know that the right thing for me to do is to put aside my anger and think about our child.
Monday, September 14, 2009
20 weeks
It's very strange to think that my pregnancy is halfway over, when it's only recently started to become real to me.
She kicks me. Constantly. Sometimes it makes me smile that I can feel my daughter in there moving around. Other times it sort of creeps me out. I mean, my daughter is in there. Moving around. It's hard to explain why it's sort of creepy. But when I can feel her move she's not just a concept anymore I guess. People descibe feeling the baby move as different things - to me it feels like exactly what it is. Someone trying to get comfortable in a very small space.
I feel like I'm growing by the minute. And I keep catching myself doing very cliche pregnant things already - like walking around with a hand pressed to the small of my back.
Matt came up again for the weekend and we started my registry at Babies R Us. The big stuff was easy, but once we got into the little stuff it got overwhelming. I'll have to go back with a mom friend, because for the most part I was looking at this list of stuff they claim I need going "but WHY? What does it DO?"
Also, why do I need a pack and play, a full size swing, a travel swing, a crib, a cradle, and a bassinet?? I live in a 1 bedroom apartment. The crib is going in my bedroom. 2 feet from my bed. I could see MAYBE a bassinet if I had more bedrooms. Or if I lived in a 2 story home. But the amount of stuff they claim you need is ridiculous. I know they just want to make money. I know it's all marketing. But really? A crib and a cradle and a bassinet? No.
I think for now I'll manage my registry online. Hopefully it will cut down on the panic attacks.
She kicks me. Constantly. Sometimes it makes me smile that I can feel my daughter in there moving around. Other times it sort of creeps me out. I mean, my daughter is in there. Moving around. It's hard to explain why it's sort of creepy. But when I can feel her move she's not just a concept anymore I guess. People descibe feeling the baby move as different things - to me it feels like exactly what it is. Someone trying to get comfortable in a very small space.
I feel like I'm growing by the minute. And I keep catching myself doing very cliche pregnant things already - like walking around with a hand pressed to the small of my back.
Matt came up again for the weekend and we started my registry at Babies R Us. The big stuff was easy, but once we got into the little stuff it got overwhelming. I'll have to go back with a mom friend, because for the most part I was looking at this list of stuff they claim I need going "but WHY? What does it DO?"
Also, why do I need a pack and play, a full size swing, a travel swing, a crib, a cradle, and a bassinet?? I live in a 1 bedroom apartment. The crib is going in my bedroom. 2 feet from my bed. I could see MAYBE a bassinet if I had more bedrooms. Or if I lived in a 2 story home. But the amount of stuff they claim you need is ridiculous. I know they just want to make money. I know it's all marketing. But really? A crib and a cradle and a bassinet? No.
I think for now I'll manage my registry online. Hopefully it will cut down on the panic attacks.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Just don't buy me pink, okay?
So...it's a girl! I'm a teeny bit disappointed, but I think I'll get over it.
***Update!! I registered for a bunch of cute stuff online, and I looked at some more baby names, and I listened to Derek and the Dominoes....and I'm not so much disappointed anymore. See? Told you I'd get over it.***
Heart looked good, kidneys looked good, ten fingers, ten toes, etc. etc.
She has her daddy's nose.
The only name I like is Layla. So of course my mom hates it. Because that's how these things work, right? She insists that people will call the baby "Lay". I insist that they won't. Besides, according to that logic, my nickname should have been "A man" and it wasn't.
Let the games begin!
***Update!! I registered for a bunch of cute stuff online, and I looked at some more baby names, and I listened to Derek and the Dominoes....and I'm not so much disappointed anymore. See? Told you I'd get over it.***
Heart looked good, kidneys looked good, ten fingers, ten toes, etc. etc.
She has her daddy's nose.
The only name I like is Layla. So of course my mom hates it. Because that's how these things work, right? She insists that people will call the baby "Lay". I insist that they won't. Besides, according to that logic, my nickname should have been "A man" and it wasn't.
Let the games begin!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
18 Weeks
It's Wednesday. I haven't seen a flea since Sunday.
I caved to the fact that summer was officially 10 days long and bought pumpkin and apple candles. I fell asleep last night with visions of pumkin pie dancing in my head. My whole apartment smells awesome and is the perfect kind of chilly - the windows are cracked for fresh air, and the blanket is with me at all times.
Matt came up for the weekend and moved furniture, washed dishes, cleaned the litter box, and hung curtains. We did not fight, argue, or call each other names. It was nice.
Friday I have my anatomy ultrasound. I'm incredibly excited.
Oh, and I almost forgot...I felt the baby move for the first time last week. He kicked me when the shower suddenly went cold. Since then I can feel him when he moves suddenly or when there is pressure on my abdomen, like when I lay down or the cat lies on my belly.
It's very weird.
I caved to the fact that summer was officially 10 days long and bought pumpkin and apple candles. I fell asleep last night with visions of pumkin pie dancing in my head. My whole apartment smells awesome and is the perfect kind of chilly - the windows are cracked for fresh air, and the blanket is with me at all times.
Matt came up for the weekend and moved furniture, washed dishes, cleaned the litter box, and hung curtains. We did not fight, argue, or call each other names. It was nice.
Friday I have my anatomy ultrasound. I'm incredibly excited.
Oh, and I almost forgot...I felt the baby move for the first time last week. He kicked me when the shower suddenly went cold. Since then I can feel him when he moves suddenly or when there is pressure on my abdomen, like when I lay down or the cat lies on my belly.
It's very weird.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Week 17
Went to the doctor today. Everything's fine.
Next Friday is my next ultrasound - hopefully the little one will cooperate and we can tell if he's a him or a her.
Matt is actually acting like he gives a crap this week. So that's nice.
Still have fleas. Although considerably less. You'd think 5 canisters of fogger would do the trick, but no. My floors are currently covered in 20 Mule Team Borax. This stuff is supposed to be miraculous. We'll see.
Still nesting. Shannon came out over the weekend and helped me clean and rearrange. Other than my coffee table, my living room looks great. My kitchen is getting there, the bathroom now has storage, and I haven't even touched the bedroom. I'm kind of afraid of the bedroom, to be honest.
Not much going on. Bored bored bored. Really bored. I keep agreeing to babysit for friends while they go off and do fun things without me. It's kind of depressing.
I would kill for a back rub and a cuddle.
Next Friday is my next ultrasound - hopefully the little one will cooperate and we can tell if he's a him or a her.
Matt is actually acting like he gives a crap this week. So that's nice.
Still have fleas. Although considerably less. You'd think 5 canisters of fogger would do the trick, but no. My floors are currently covered in 20 Mule Team Borax. This stuff is supposed to be miraculous. We'll see.
Still nesting. Shannon came out over the weekend and helped me clean and rearrange. Other than my coffee table, my living room looks great. My kitchen is getting there, the bathroom now has storage, and I haven't even touched the bedroom. I'm kind of afraid of the bedroom, to be honest.
Not much going on. Bored bored bored. Really bored. I keep agreeing to babysit for friends while they go off and do fun things without me. It's kind of depressing.
I would kill for a back rub and a cuddle.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
16 Weeks
Having weeks to go by is great, because it saves me the trouble of having to think up a clever title. Sometimes I just don't have one.
Well, I'm definitely showing now. Not in an "Oh my god you're huge" sort of way, but in the sort of way that if I lay down on my back that little bulge above my pubic bone doesn't flatten out. And other people are starting to be able to see it. Soooo...here it is.
I don't really know how I feel about it. Part of me thinks it's cute and exciting...and the other part of me thinks I just look fat(ter) and can't wait to get bigger. That's right, I said bigger. The theory here being that when I get bigger I'll actually look pregnant instead of just looking like I had a few too many twinkies.
I'm still at my pre-pregnancy weight, which my doctor was fine with once I convinced him that I am absolutely not starving myself. That helps. Other than the mixed feelings about the slight tummy, I'm actually feeling pretty good.
Had a bad start to the weekend. Friday night driving home from work, something just hit me. I don't know why, but I just started sobbing. It was horrible. But Shannon came out in the middle of the night and picked me up, and we laughed and talked and set up for her yard sale the next day. Played rummy all day while trying to convince people to buy her crap. We've come to the conclusion that she's my new baby daddy, so I feel better.
Got dressed up and went out Saturday night, which felt great. Got hit on a lot, which upped the spirits. Also, watching the reactions of would-be beau's when I tell them I'm knocked up is priceless.
Sunday went to the county fair with Team Fat Kid and the Spitfire crew to see the demolition derby. It was a long, hot day, and I was exhausted by the end, but it was fun. Hanging out with Gunner, who is 2, while his dad drove in the derby made my day. We learned that goats and horses are terrifying, but cows and sheep are not. Also, he asked me where "The Team" was and if he is a member, which made me laugh. Had him yelling "Hey Fat Kids!" and "Go team go!" which...well...let's hope he doesn't repeat at daycare.
Getting rid of the fleas tomorrow!!!!! (Hopefully) The flea chronicles have been an ongoing saga since the end of July. I have used carpet/upholstery powder. I have used spot on treatment for the cat. I have used a spray that you put on the carpet/upholstery AND the cat. Nothing kills them. The cat has been okay since the spray, but there is no spray for humans. My feet and ankles are covered in flea bites. The only safe haven is the bathroom (I keep the spray in there and the tile is white so I can see the fuckers coming). My house is a disaster area but a. I don't see the point in cleaning until I use the fogger, because I'll have to clean again, and b. I won't get out of the bathtub long enough to try.
So I finally found someone who doesn't have animals of their own to take the cat overnight. (In case of one or two errant fleas). I have to give him a bath tomorrow, treat him again, and then take him over so I can set the foggers while I'm at work. And then cross my fingers and pray that it works because otherwise I will have to give up and move.
Oh...and Matt has now accused me of sleeping with random guys and "fucking up our kid". I haven't seen anybody but him naked in over a year....so I think it has to do with guilt more than anything. I'm guessing he's approaching this from an STD standpoint, as the child is still in utero and I can't really provide a bad example yet.
I think I'll send him the bill for the STD scan I got after I found out he was whoring around. (It came up clean.)
Well, I'm definitely showing now. Not in an "Oh my god you're huge" sort of way, but in the sort of way that if I lay down on my back that little bulge above my pubic bone doesn't flatten out. And other people are starting to be able to see it. Soooo...here it is.
I don't really know how I feel about it. Part of me thinks it's cute and exciting...and the other part of me thinks I just look fat(ter) and can't wait to get bigger. That's right, I said bigger. The theory here being that when I get bigger I'll actually look pregnant instead of just looking like I had a few too many twinkies.
I'm still at my pre-pregnancy weight, which my doctor was fine with once I convinced him that I am absolutely not starving myself. That helps. Other than the mixed feelings about the slight tummy, I'm actually feeling pretty good.
Had a bad start to the weekend. Friday night driving home from work, something just hit me. I don't know why, but I just started sobbing. It was horrible. But Shannon came out in the middle of the night and picked me up, and we laughed and talked and set up for her yard sale the next day. Played rummy all day while trying to convince people to buy her crap. We've come to the conclusion that she's my new baby daddy, so I feel better.
Got dressed up and went out Saturday night, which felt great. Got hit on a lot, which upped the spirits. Also, watching the reactions of would-be beau's when I tell them I'm knocked up is priceless.
Sunday went to the county fair with Team Fat Kid and the Spitfire crew to see the demolition derby. It was a long, hot day, and I was exhausted by the end, but it was fun. Hanging out with Gunner, who is 2, while his dad drove in the derby made my day. We learned that goats and horses are terrifying, but cows and sheep are not. Also, he asked me where "The Team" was and if he is a member, which made me laugh. Had him yelling "Hey Fat Kids!" and "Go team go!" which...well...let's hope he doesn't repeat at daycare.
Getting rid of the fleas tomorrow!!!!! (Hopefully) The flea chronicles have been an ongoing saga since the end of July. I have used carpet/upholstery powder. I have used spot on treatment for the cat. I have used a spray that you put on the carpet/upholstery AND the cat. Nothing kills them. The cat has been okay since the spray, but there is no spray for humans. My feet and ankles are covered in flea bites. The only safe haven is the bathroom (I keep the spray in there and the tile is white so I can see the fuckers coming). My house is a disaster area but a. I don't see the point in cleaning until I use the fogger, because I'll have to clean again, and b. I won't get out of the bathtub long enough to try.
So I finally found someone who doesn't have animals of their own to take the cat overnight. (In case of one or two errant fleas). I have to give him a bath tomorrow, treat him again, and then take him over so I can set the foggers while I'm at work. And then cross my fingers and pray that it works because otherwise I will have to give up and move.
Oh...and Matt has now accused me of sleeping with random guys and "fucking up our kid". I haven't seen anybody but him naked in over a year....so I think it has to do with guilt more than anything. I'm guessing he's approaching this from an STD standpoint, as the child is still in utero and I can't really provide a bad example yet.
I think I'll send him the bill for the STD scan I got after I found out he was whoring around. (It came up clean.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
