Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I look and feel silly. Honestly, I haven't had many body issues with this pregnancy and I still don't, but when I see myself in a mirror or a photo, I just look SO disproportioned to myself that it's comical. I grunt when I sit. I need help to get off the couch or out of bed. I have a hard time driving now. I don't feel ugly, just silly.
I want to be able to reach my feet without horrible pain. (They don't tell you that having a belly in the way all the time HURTS. A LOT.) I want to eat real food without counting carbs or feeling guilty. I want to be able to do normal things like vacuum the carpet without being in pain later.
Not that I'm ready, or anything. The apartment still feels filthy and I literally cannot do half of the things that need to be done. Matt, in typical guy fashion, thinks that the livingroom is clean because the rug was vacuumed. He thinks that "all" of the laundry really means "some" of the laundry. So we have a lot of arguments lately where I ask him to help me do something, and he huffs and puffs because it's more involved than he wants it to be. So then I get pissed off and try to just do it myself because it would be easier than putting up with his moping, and consequently hurt myself. (I can wash and fold laundry just fine, but I can't carry it down the hall. I can sweep the floor under the couch, but I can't move the couch to do so. Rinse, repeat.)
We do this Every. Weekend. Seriously.
I don't want to go to work anymore. Getting there is such a pain. Getting home is such a pain. I get nothing done around the house because I have no motivation to do chores in the hour or two I'm awake before I leave for work. And the few times I WAS motivated to do a lot before work, I ended up dozing off at my desk later. And on the weekend, as noted above, I end up arguing about doing things more so than doing them. I need a maid. Just for one day.
I was going to try to write about something funny, but nothing is funny lately.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Because when they all tell you different things, (and they will,) which one do you believe?
Went to the perinatology/OBGYN dept of the hospital today for an ultrasound. Baby looks healthy, supposedly has lots of hair, is definitely head down, and weighs in at approximately 4 lbs 15 oz. This is supposed to be about perfect for her gestational age, so that means so far the gestation diabetes has not affected her size.
While my OB feels that my weight gain has been perfectly healthy at 15 lbs so far, the perinatologist tells me I haven't gained enough and should have gained 30 lbs by now. Who is correct? I don't have a clue.
Also, if the baby gains a steady 1/2 pound per week and I get to 40 weeks, she will weigh close to 8 lbs. My OB says I should be fine with anything under 10 to deliver normally, and really, only about 9% of first time moms need a c-section. The perinatologist says I will probably have a c-section. Who is correct? I'm leaning towards my OB because ultimately, that's his call and he'll be doing the cutting. (**shudders**) That, and I really really don't want a c-section unless it is absolutely medically necessary. I would be pissed as hell if a doctor decided to just cut me open because he got tired of waiting.
Everyone agrees that my sugar looks pretty good. And unless more complications arise, I shouldn't have to be delivered early. So, first week of February at the latest. 6 weeks to go.
Friday, December 18, 2009
I went to the doctor on Wednesday and found out that from here on out I will have weekly non-stress tests because of the gestational diabetes. No big deal...it was kind of cool to see how her heartbeat elevated every time she moved on the little chart.
I'm supposed to go see a perinatologist for a new ultrasound to check her growth, and depending what they say about that and my blood sugar levels, we'll decide if I need to go on insulin and if I need to be induced before my due date. As of right now I will not be allowed to go past my due date - he has it in mind to induce me no later than Feb 1.
I'm still waiting to hear from the perinatologist about when they can get me in. There has been a paperwork snaffu that I've been trying to work out since Wednesday...hopefully I won't fall through anymore cracks and I'll have an appointment set up by Monday.
Also, while I was at the doctor, I talked to him about some issues I have been having with out of control irritability, anger and depression, notably since I was diagnosed with the diabetes. At first he tried to blow me off, which really frustrated me, because it took a lot for me to even bring it up. I almost didn't because I was afraid he wouldn't take me seriously. And I think that's part of the reason that a lot of women don't get the help they need...they're afraid the doctor will blow them off and tell them it's normal, when they know that it isn't. I finally convinced him that being sad all the time, not wanting to leave the house, see anyone, or eat, and having uncontrollable anger for no apparent reason, was not okay for me. And that I didn't want to wait until a couple of weeks after the baby is born, and we're having bonding issues, to deal with it as PPD.
Thankfully Matt was there with me. Finally the doctor turned to Matt and asked him how bad it was, really. And poor Matt, who has been awesome lately and who hasn't said a word to me about my attitude, told him that yes, it really was bad.
I figured he was going to refer me to a therapist or something, which would have been fine, but he actually prescribed me a low dose of Zoloft. I took one yesterday before work...and once the sleepiness wore off (holy cow) I felt a lot better...not goofy... I felt like I did at the beginning of my pregnancy. I realized I had been clenching my jaw for months.
I haven't taken one today, because I realized that I need to take them before bed if I want to get anything accomplished. Also, the doctor suggested I take them when I'm having a bad day, instead of taking them all the time.
$10 for a 30 day prescription is way cheaper than beer.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
So, on to the winning of the free stuff. Aunt Becky is giving free stuff away if I answer some questions and post a button leading you back to her blog. This is probably pointless because Aunt Becky is one of three people who read my blog, but rules are rules.
1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?
I feel that sprinkles needlessly ruin the integrity of the ice cream. They don't taste like anything. They're there for the sole purpose of trying to make ice cream more fun. As Hank Hill would say, ice cream is fun on its own. Fudge is a completely different story.
2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why?
Moist. I hate that word.
3) If you were a flavor, what would it be?
Glacial Ice or something similar, like you see on Gatorade bottles. The name would give no clues whatsoever as to how I would actually taste.
4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis?
Folding clothes. But then again, I don't actually do that (except for towels and items that will wrinkle) so I don't know what I'm complaining about.
5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself)
Rizzo is the first nickname I have ever had that made fun of my personality rather than my height. I appreciate that.
6) Your stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they?
I think the key is to choose artists with really large bodies of work. Queen and Billy especially not only have a lot of music to choose from, but a lot of different styles within their bodies of work. Social D is for when I'm feeling depressed about being stuck on a desert island. People say Mike Ness whines too much, and they're right. But that's what you want when you feel like crap.
7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false?
8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self?
Young self is still here...but I guess I would tell her that all that beer was going to make her fat, and that she should switch to lower calorie beverages, such as gin.