Friday, January 8, 2010

4 weeks to go.

I am paranoid.

I am paranoid that I will go into labor at work and nobody will want to drive me to the hospital because they'll get points on their record and have to use part of their vacation time to cover their hours.

I am paranoid that I will push and push and push only to be told they have to do a c-section after all and they'll pull that sheet on front of my face and I'll be basically disconnected from the rest of my body, not knowing what's going on or what they are doing to my internal organs, waiting to hear my baby cry.

Other than that, everything is fine.

Aunt Becky is giving away stuff again. I like stuff, so I'm completing her questions below. Please excuse any poor language. Aunt Becky is a horrible influence.

1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?

Of the devil. Definitely of the devil. There is nothing even remotely appealing about that stuff.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.

Ignore them. Stop buying the shitty magazines and for craps sake stop watching that show.

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?

John Stamos. Except I do mention it. Frequently. I danced with him once, and he kissed me. Didn't I ever tell you that story?

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?

I would be a Broadway actor. The problem here is that I'm an okay singer and an okay dancer... but not GOOD. At least, not GOOD in the way you have to be to make a living out of that.

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?

I don't know. I guess it depends on the sort of person you are dealing with. I have certain people I know who HATE it when I am doing well (Making more money than them, thinner than them, happier than them, etc.) and that always makes me smile. But if all else fails, there's always the story of the wife whose husband cheated on her, and in the divorce he got the house. So when she moved out, she hid sardines or something in the curtain rods, and after months and months of trying to get rid of the smell and failing, he signed the house back over to her and she lived happily ever after. Or something like that.

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?

Ummm...well, you know, I twisted my ankle hopping off my bar stool once. And I puked in the street on St. Patrick's Day outside the busiest pub in town. And then I fell and scraped my face off and had to explain THAT at work the next day. Then there was the time I was arrested in my pajamas on my then-boyfriend's birthday and he spent the day trying to bail me out. That one was not booze related. It was cake related. I don't want to talk about it.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?

I used to try to be all thought provoking and deep and crap. And then I realized that that just made me look like a flaming asshole. So now I try not to take myself too seriously, either in person or on the Internet. And, if you come over, could you bring guacamole?

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?

Hmmm. I would like to be able to play the drums. Theoretically, I COULD do this, but I have coordination problems, and drummers need to be able to get all their limbs to do different things at the same time. Me, not so much.

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?

Not always, but usually. Unless it's the sugar free watermelon flavor. That stuff makes my tongue tingle unnaturally and I don't like it.

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?

I kind of like Justin Timberlake's music. Sort of. A little bit. Also Eminem. I'm a horrible person.

1 comment:

  1. I am sure someone will help you if you go into labor but wow are the people you work with really like that?