Tuesday afternoon I didn't make him leave the house when I left for work.
Tuesday night I went home early to find a girl on my couch.
His mom found him Wednesday afternoon and took him home to Canton.
He is apparently undergoing psych evals once per week for the forseeable future, and will be treated for bipolar disorder as well as depression.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
The only thing that I can't really afford on my own is day care, but that's a big hurdle. I have applied for home access at work, and I will work on getting a computer.
Maternity leave is unpaid as it falls under FMLA leave. I have started a baby savings and have enough for one month of expenses right now. Hopefully I will be able to save enough for at least another month of leave as well as any emergencies.
The thing I am most worried about is being alone. Well meaning friends and family keep telling me that I am not alone. But the fact remains that when I go home tonight, I will be. And tomorrow. And next week.
I worry that I will have some sort of medical emergency.
I worry that once the baby comes I will never ever shower, eat, or sleep, because there will be nobody there I can hand the child to and say "Here. Take this."
After the last 3 months, I really didn't expect much from him.
But I really didn't expect this.
I should have.