Friday, August 7, 2009

Gone Like Yesterday

He's gone.

Tuesday afternoon I didn't make him leave the house when I left for work.

Tuesday night I went home early to find a girl on my couch.

His mom found him Wednesday afternoon and took him home to Canton.

He is apparently undergoing psych evals once per week for the forseeable future, and will be treated for bipolar disorder as well as depression.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

The only thing that I can't really afford on my own is day care, but that's a big hurdle. I have applied for home access at work, and I will work on getting a computer.

Maternity leave is unpaid as it falls under FMLA leave. I have started a baby savings and have enough for one month of expenses right now. Hopefully I will be able to save enough for at least another month of leave as well as any emergencies.

The thing I am most worried about is being alone. Well meaning friends and family keep telling me that I am not alone. But the fact remains that when I go home tonight, I will be. And tomorrow. And next week.

I worry that I will have some sort of medical emergency.

I worry that once the baby comes I will never ever shower, eat, or sleep, because there will be nobody there I can hand the child to and say "Here. Take this."

After the last 3 months, I really didn't expect much from him.

But I really didn't expect this.

I should have.


  1. This happened to me when I was pregnant with Ben. The betrayal was amazing, and I never forgave him even after he repented.

    I had to move home, knocked up by a POS assbag and live with my parents.

    While I never thought that I could recover, I did. I'm really, really sorry, my friend. Shoot me an email and we can talk.

  2. I just read your comment on Aunt Becky's post, I am so sorry girl that you are dealing with all this.

    I will be thinking of you and the baby!