26 Weeks

So this week the stretch marks have started to show up. I mean, they've been on my hips for a couple of weeks now, but I've always had stretch marks on my hips so I was pretty okay with that. But now they've started forming in a semi - circle under my belly button. And they're really, really ugly. I've been using the lotion and drinking the water and all that crap, so it's not like I didn't give it a sporting chance. And frankly, all the girls who lectured me on the importance of doing these things ended up with stretch marks themselves. So there's that. But the people who try to convince me that the stretch marks are like a motherhood trophy or a badge of honor or something; fuck off. The kid is the trophy you moron. The stretch marks are to be reserved for guilt trips later.

Can I talk about foot care here??? A lot of pregnant women talk a lot about painting their toenails. Screw that. It's fall and in a few weeks I won't be able to see my feet anyway, so who cares if my plum polish is chipped? But here's the thing that you don't think of when the gals are complaining about their pedicures: How the hell do you CUT your toenails? I did it the other night and I had to take a breather in between feet. What happens next time it needs done? I can't trust Matt to do this. While I don't care if my toes are pretty, there is still a certain amount of shaping that needs to be done here, and I just don't think he's up to the task.

So who do you ask to trim your toenails? It's not as embarrassing as asking someone to wipe your ass, but it's definitely something I'd rather not ask a good friend. What if they find something under there?? I'll never be able to make eye contact again. But paying the $30 for a pedicure seems ridiculous. I don't want french tips. I just want to not snag the sheets.

Baby shower is this weekend. Halloween themed, laid back, men invited, beer allowed, no games, no frills, no bullshit. I'm excited. Just found out that Marie and Ringo, who are giving me the party, are allowed to use an old stump in their backyard as a fire pit....so we'll have a bonfire later in the evening if it doesn't rain.

Tune in next week to find out if I still have room in my apartment for..well...me.