21 weeks

Well, the past week was interesting to say the least.

Let's see. Tuesday, I think it was, I woke up with the beginnings of a cold sore on my nose. I get them maybe once or twice per year, so while it was annoying and painful, I cleaned it, put some salve on it, and didn't think much more about it.

Wednesday I woke up feeling as though somebody really big had punched me in the face. The pain started in my lower jaw and by afternoon had spread up to my upper jaw and nose, and down to the gland under my ear. All on the right side...the same side as my cold sore.

While it was not bad as long as I took care not to touch it...it was weird enough to have me looking up a family practitioner in my network. Thankfully I got an appointment for the next day. The doctor took one look at my nose and my now swollen face and said "I'm putting you on antibiotics." Apparently, with my immune system all screwy, the cold sore (which was partially IN my nose) presented a perfect opportunity for Staph A. to get into my face and spread. Yuck.

I'm on what seems to me to be a pretty large dose of antibiotics - 4 pills a day for 2 weeks - and am thankfully feeling much better. The baby didn't move around much the first couple of days I took the pills, so I was worried, but now she's boogying around in there again. I'm guessing she wasn't feeling much better than I was.

I have a follow up tomorrow to make sure the drugs are working, and until the sore on my nose heals over, I'm not touching any babies or sick people.

Went out to see Matt this weekend, which was cool. Just kinda lounged on the couch and watched cable. He got to feel the baby kick, which was a very cool moment. You can only feel her from the outside when she really gets going so I wasn't sure it would happen for him just yet.

Luckily the people who care about me are starting to understand that I'm still maintaining a friendly relationship with him for a reason. Which is good because I was really starting to get tired of defending my decision. It comes down to this - while, yes, what he did to me was really shitty, it's not about that anymore. It's about our daughter now. And I just don't see how alienating him until she's born and then expecting him to snap to is going to help anything. I don't see much point in making it difficult for him to be involved. That will only hurt my child. Our child.

Even though we aren't together anymore, I would like my daughter to be able to have both parents with her on birthdays, and at school plays or basketball games or dance recitals. I don't want her to have to choose.

I can't tell the future. I don't know that he will always want to be as involved as he is now. I don't have any idea how it's going to play out. But I know that the right thing for me to do is to put aside my anger and think about our child.