11 weeks

So according to the books, this week the little one is about the size of a plum. He's growing fingernails (I wonder if that hurts?) and moving around a little bit. I can't feel it of course, but yeah.

I'm noticing a little tiny bit of a belly now. It's not so much that it's any bigger - it's just kinda filled up the flab I had there before...which actually kind of makes my stomach look better, really. My jeans are just a little tighter now. Not a big deal. I just pull an Al Bundy when I sit down. I did that half the time anyway.

Fighting with Matt has been getting worse. We had a blow out yesterday morning, complete with screaming and slamming doors. (Him this time, not me. Ha!) By last night he was apologetic but I just don't know what to do any more. It's getting ridiculous and I'm fed up. I can't take care of him and a baby...and he just can't seem to take care of himself. And every time I say no about something he throws a serious, full-blown, 2 year old temper tantrum. He's made a new set of promises that I don't even want to hear anymore. And on top of that - it makes me really uneasy when guys cry. I know that sounds sexist but I don't really care. I mean, a few tears here and there, okay. You're sensitive. That's maybe even a little sweet. An "Aw, he has a heart" moment. But if you are outright sobbing somebody had better be dead. Seriously.

Missing my mom. She went back home yesterday morning. I wish she didn't live so far away, but I really really really don't want to move to Florida. It's just never been a dream of mine.

I've been doing pretty good with putting my money away in preparation of maternity leave, hospital, etc. I started a new account today just for baby expenses. I still haven't gotten a bill from my first doctor's visit - so maybe my insurance is better than I thought? Or maybe they're going to hit me with the bill on my next appointment. Oh, and next week I HAVE to go get my bloodwork done. I expected them to do it at my OB visit, but they just gave me the paperwork ordering it and told me to "just go anywhere". What the hell does that mean?? What kind of doctor am I supposed to call for this? Is there a list? Ugh. Plus I hate needles, so I've been putting it off.

Now before anyone starts with the mocking, smirking, "you'd better get used to it, kiddo" crap...I KNOW. I know that I'm going to have to do unpleasant things that I don't want to do, such as repeatedly letting people jab me with needles, carrying a purse, making several trips, etc. I don't know where people keep getting the idea that I'm a complete moron, but I am fully aware that my life is going to change. I am fully aware that there are things I will do that I never did before, because I have to. I am fully aware that a baby is not an accessory but a little needy person that I will have to take care of and worry about for the rest of my life. And I'm tired of hearing about how horrible having children is from people who raised me. It's hurtful and unneccesary.

Well...I feel better. I'll bitch less next time.